Thursday, April 2, 2009

A Man of the Hair

I'm a man that fully supports facial hair.

And god damn it, I don't care if sacrificing talent, skill, and an overall winning record is sacrificed for a full chin, cheek, {and neck}, of hair. When I was young, I was taught the virtues of true manliness. Those were: 1) Physically harass and beat anyone of a different school of thought than yourself; 2) Eat a lot of meat; 3) Slap things with your penis; 4) Grow and maintain a full face of hair.

Of those items, I only fulfill two at any specific time (Hint: They probably aren't the first two); this is likely why I grasp so tenaciously to the two virtues which I do fulfill. Of which one, I effectively fulfill without blinding nearby persons. To this, I stiffly defend the virtues of facial hair growth.

And this, simply, is why I do not support the Chicago Bears' decision to trade Kyle "The Neck Beard" Orton (along with two first round draft picks and a third round draft pick) with Jay "I Really Like Fall Out Boy" Cutler (as well as a third round draft pick). I don't care if it is a wise decision for the upcoming Bears season, in terms of victories. Because I know that it is a complete loss for the upcoming Bears season, in terms of facial hair that make even Grizzly Adams jealous.

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